Controversial, I know.
I’ve been feeling exceptionally reflective over the past few weeks. I’ve had something weighing on my mind. Some of you already know this, but some of you don’t. I haven’t made a big announcement on it or anything – but it certainly hasn’t been a secret in my life. Here it is. We’ve been planning on moving away from London for a little bit. There it is.
There hasn’t been a grand plan of action to leave the city. Our visa situation is taking us back to the states for a sporadic on and off period of time this summer. It made sense to reduce our fees in the meantime. The cost of living in London is still pretty high even when you’re not living in London.
So we made the decision. We told our landlords we’ve be out at the end of our lease at the end of April. They’ve been great with us over the past three and a half years. It was a sad decision to make, but one we had to.
And then, suddenly a choice we hadn’t anticipated.
Leaving London next week.
Next week.
My jaw must have unhinged itself and fallen to the floor. But the offer was there. They found new tenants who’d like to move in early if at all possible. I didn’t think it would be quite so soon.
It only took a few viewings. Which is understandable. It’s in a great location in Kensington and well, the flat is well decorated, she said oh so humbly. Still, I hadn’t anticipated such a quick turnaround. I thought I had until the end of April. In fact, I was sure of it.
Next week.
Of course, they’re not kicking us out of the flat. We could have said no. But there was incentive. We were paid back our month and a half’s rent for leaving early. Which certainly isn’t a bad trade off. A bonus we of money we’d long since said goodbye to.
We have upcoming adventures that it helps pay for. We’re going to Paris in a few weeks. Then we’re planning to leave for the states for several weeks in the spring.
In the meantime, it simply makes sense for us to nip down to Hampshire (Joe’s hometown) where we’ll be staying with his family for a little while.
There’s a lot of change happening. But while I’ve been struggling lately to cope with that change, I do know it’s going to be OK.
Whenever I’m feeling like change in on the horizon, or am getting a bit anxious, I think of that line in the fourth Harry Potter film, The Goblet of Fire. Hermione says at the very end, ’Everything’s going to change now, isn’t it?” Harry bluntly replies ‘Yes.’ And it probably represents the way I’ve been speaking to Joe since we found out.
I have a difficult love/hate relationship with change. I’ve obviously taken massive life-changing steps before. Moving to Edinburgh. Moving to London. London was always the ultimate goal. To stay, to live, to work. But it’s a challenging city too. Even with my overwhelming love for it, there are facts. We don’t own here and we can’t right now. It’s not uncommon for anyone in their twenties. We’re all renting, working and living before we have to make big decisions about the city. To stay, or to go? And right now even with me feeling so uncertain about the change, it’s time to go.
Admittedly, I’m uncertain about the ‘what’s next’. I didn’t ever imagine my life with such uncertainty. But again, I didn’t necessarily imagine my life to have even turned out as incredible as it has so far.
So I’m saying to myself, it’s OK to feel uncertain. It’s OK to struggle with change. Because with change, there can be new possibilities. And you know what? In a weird way, I’m ready for it.
Kelly xox
PS. I’m here for you to share you struggles with uncertainty too. Whether that’s in the comments or direct messaging me. I think it helps to know that we all go through these feelings and life changes. It really is OK to feel uncertain and uneasy about the future.